Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
