dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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