Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
