She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
