his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
