just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You took a bar mat shot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
