She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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