it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
