I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
