HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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