1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
