You're earring is so big in my mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
