i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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