Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
