I want to have your abortion
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sorry about my life...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
