Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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