so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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