i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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