I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
