We're like a lot better than the average bears
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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