dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
