please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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