I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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