so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
