dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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