The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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