If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
