I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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