bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
