so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
