Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You pole danced in your parka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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