Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
