I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I understand Curling. That high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
