Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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