I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
