She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
