The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
