someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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