If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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