I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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