She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
