So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
