a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
