i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my being single is dangerous.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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