i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
