I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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