chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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