im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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