I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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