I want to have your abortion
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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