Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
