I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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