Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
