Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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