dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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