he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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