I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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