Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
