Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
