I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
