Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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