from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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