They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
