I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize