She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
