the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
