I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
