i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i was born a porn star she said
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
