Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
