Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
