This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
