tell your sister to shave her snatch
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
