Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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