im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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