im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
